I know it sounds crazy, but there are actually people who don’t care to work with dairy cows! For bovi-philes, it’s difficult to grasp how anyone couldn’t appreciate the art of communicating with these serene giants, but it’s true. The key to a successful cow/ human symbiosis begins with the recognition of a few simple truths (however unscientific they may appear):

1. 
   Cow intelligence and human intelligence is not the same thing, and require a different set of expectations.
2. 
   At some point, a cow WILL make you angry. BUT, she never does so with malice of forethought, so vengeance is never appropriate or productive.
3. 
   Nothing is ever the cow’s fault, she never lies and she never mis-communicates; these are strictly of the realm of the human. When a cow does something dumb, it’s the human who created the situation- always.
4. 
   Cows don’t care about Christmas, your birthday, or your problems, and shouldn’t have to.
5. 
   Cows don’t speak English or Spanish, and never will. To learn cow speak, or la lengua de la vaca, is the only way to get along with cows. And to do so is to reduce stress for all involved, not to mention leave the farm at day’s end with much cleaner clothes.

My first employer in the dairy business, and to me the greatest cow man who ever lived, once told me while we were sorting cows, “Cows WANT to do what they are told- you just gotta learn how to tell them.” Life-long cow-loathers, who for some reason suspect a grand bovine conspiracy, have scoffed at that priceless piece of wisdom, convinced that the cow has sabotage on her mind, and not obedience. However, with the acceptance of the above tenets, and with some basic understanding of bovine psychology, anybody can become a “cow whisperer”, or at least a better cow handler.

Energy
Cows will, to the best of their ability, do what they are told if the handler: 1. has confidence in his/herself and 2. Is not projecting negative energy. It sounds a little “out there” but it’s true. If you have a friend who doesn’t have any cow experience, bring him into a group of cows and see how they react. Or, less traumatic to your friend, watch an episode of “The Dog Whisperer”, and see how Cesar Milan can walk into a stranger’s home and put their crazy dog into submission without the laying of a hand or the utterance of a word. In nature, how is it that many animals can sense the good or bad intentions of another? It’s energy and it makes sense.

Lose the whistle and the whoops
Aside from the cow in distress or the cow in heat, cows are generally not known for chatting it up, so keep the noises to a minimum. Talking quietly to your cows is always a good idea, and can prevent startling a nervous or drowsy one, but whistling and hollering only serve to stress cows. Instead, watch how your cows interact with one another. Primarily, they use eye contact and body language. Furthermore, notice that the majority of cow to cow interactions involve the head and shoulders.

Body Language and Eye Contact
The keys to moving cows are in understanding the flight zone, eye contact, and positioning yourself around the point of the shoulder. The flight zone represents the distance from an animal where you are considered a threat. A nervous cow will have a large flight zone, and will flee when you are several feet from her. The pet cow will have virtually no flight zone and allow you to approach very close to her.

Facing a cow and making eye contact with her sends the signal that you want her. Averting your eyes and turning you back to a cow will tell her that she is not necessary to your immediate plans. This is not only important in the barn, but in the parlor as well. A milker may complain that the cows won’t enter the parlor on their own. They open the gate, and no one enters, why? When the milker is standing there, staring down the cow standing at the entrance, he’s clearly saying “don’t you come in here!” in cow speak. There is no word for “come here” in the bovine language, and staring at the cow in the parlor gate is not going to work. This is where his position in regards to the point of the shoulder becomes important.

Standing in front of the point of the shoulder means back up or turn around to a cow. Standing behind the shoulder tells a cow to move forward. The sharper the angle to the shoulder, the straighter her path will be as she moves away from you. The more perpendicular you are to the shoulder, the sharper the cow will turn. The direction she turns depends on which side of the cow you stand. Remember that when you stand directly behind a cow she can’t see you, which can be dangerous, so always try to stay in her line of sight and talk quietly to her so she knows where you are.

In the parlor, if you escort the first cow to her stall, stay behind her shoulder and look at her. You don’t need to say anything or touch her. She knows what you want. Also, keep your back turned to the cows behind you to avoid sending the wrong message.
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